Thirty-one years ago TODAY, my mother died. She'd been in a coma for five days before she finally slipped away. My own son was just a baby when she died. As a result, I never had a mom to call on the phone when my son fell off his bike or or when he started kindergarten. I've missed having someone to honor on Mother's day. Yet, when I haven't thought about her for awhile, I fear that I've forgotten her completely.
On January 19, 1988, I got hit by a bus while I was crossing the street. I am a positive person who's grateful for many things, but no great attitude can change the reality of what happened. Or can it?
Therapists say that the anniversary dates of traumatic events can be difficult to go through. Maybe this idea just got stuck in my head. Because of these two anniversary dates, I try not to dread January, and I try to acknowledge the passing of these dates in some positive way. I want a meaningful way to acknowledge my mother's life and death. And I want to thumb my nose at the bus that almost took my life. However, I cannot completely ignore the body aches and visual scars that stay with me.
This year's winter has been cold, rainy, windy, foggy, and dark. I've wondered where my energy went. I seem to slip into a dark hole each year when January comes. I don't want to slip, but sometimes I do anyway. And this month went by--again--without me finding a peaceful way to view some of the things in my past.
I breathe a sigh of relief on this last day of January. Yet, I don't want to leave this month without shifting the way that I think. I want to make friends with January, while finding new ways to honor my mother.
This morning I went to church. As usual Pastor Mark seemed to speak directly to me. I can FEEL his gifts of discernment and wisdom while he gives his interpretation of God's message in the Bible, and I feel that Pastor Mark knows my heart.
I cannot describe EXACTLY what happened to me today, but Pastor Mark reminded me that I have all the answers. I simply need to act on them. I know that when my present life makes sense, and I am comfortable and at peace, the past and all the steps leading to today make absolute sense.
This following scripture conveys a simple principle that tells me what I need:
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned liked a child. When I became a man (woman), I put childish ways behind me."
1 Corinthians 13:11
I could write several blogs about this one Bible verse. In a nutshell it is telling me to quit worrying and over thinking, and to just "do it." God will take care of the situations in my life that I cannot change, but I must take responsibility for "putting childish ways behind me," If I want God to do His part.
Holidays and birthdays mark the passage of time for each of us. We notice whether life is better or worse than last year. Marking the passage of time holds true for other anniversary dates as well. I think that most of us have high hopes for January because it marks another beginning. Good-bye to last year and all the difficulties that went with it.
We often start January with the cards stacked against us, if we pigged out out during the holidays or if we spent too much money. We still hope this year will be better than last, beginning with a dark, cold, and wet month like January.
January's significance for EVERYONE as the new year, was hidden from me by my own dread of my anniversary dates. But now, and in the future, I will delight in the Bible verse First Corinthians 13:11 which will remind me to "put childish ways behind me," and to go about my business without worry. Is there any better way to live my life and to celebrate new beginnings?
1 comment:
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