I Put Childish Ways Behind Me in the New Year

What do we do with the anniversaries of traumatic events? or the anniversaries of big losses? As much as I try to get through the month of January without feeling sad or depressed, my heart has always felt heavy.

Thirty-one years ago TODAY, my mother died. She'd been in a coma for five days before she finally slipped away. My own son was just a baby when she died. As a result, I never had a mom to call on the phone when my son fell off his bike or or when he started kindergarten. I've missed having someone to honor on Mother's day. Yet, when I haven't thought about her for awhile, I fear that I've forgotten her completely.

On January 19, 1988, I got hit by a bus while I was crossing the street. I am a positive person who's grateful for many things, but no great attitude can change the reality of what happened. Or can it?

The Prodigal Blogger Returns

I had diligently worked at this blog when I first began. Blogger was my very first blog host. Then I started shopping around, comparing. And I decided to try blogging at other places.

I enjoy some aspects of Live Journal. For instance, at LJ you can easily post large photos. If you want delicate, detailed features to show up, you might prefer LJ. I think that many people who consider themselves serious writers prefer LJ because there's no marketing of any kind, and you cannot make money there by placing ads on the page. LJ is a great place to network, too, because you can easily find like-minded bloggers and develop friendships.

I don't like what is referred to as the LJ Cut. It's a cut you must make so that a long blog won't appear on the page. A reader must click on the LJ Cut link to read everything underneath. This system is handy for readers, but a blogger is not allowed to post several photographs that show above the LJ cut without being seriously booed and reprimanded. Other than selecting a pre-made format at LJ, there is no individuality of pages there. No standing graphics, links, or widgets are allowed. In my opinion, LJ is primarily for writing only.

A Man Called Paladin

I've been loving "Have Gun Will Travel" that now airs on the Encore Western channel. Here are some facts about Paladin, my favorite gun for hire from 1957 to 1963:

Paladin made his home at the Hotel Carlton in San Francisco sometime after his education at West Point. He dressed like a gentlemen, dining on fine food and wines. He combed through the daily paper, looking for potential clients who might need his services, and of course, he used his calling card that said, "Have gun....Will travel." He charged $1,000--but only those who could pay. Paladin was a man of refinement, a "James Bond" of the old West, who carried a few expensive cigars in his boot when out on an adventure.

A Good Anniversary

Last year I stuck to my beliefs, and as the Bible would say, I "persevered under trial (James 1:12)". That end quote sounds utterly dramatic. All it means is that I am as consistent and honest as I can be, when others around me manipulate and lie to get what they want. God knows my heart.

There is no doubt that I am reaping the benefits of being true to myself. What's more important, I follow God's word as well as I can, beginning with my return to church. I can't emphasize how much I love Heart of the Bay. In fact, when I weigh pros and cons about staying here or moving away, Heart of the Bay carries a lot of weight. So far, I haven't found another church that compares to this one, so I can't be sure what will happen. I'm very new in my evolution as a Christian. In the past, I let the stereotypical image of a uber conservative Christian influence me in a negative way. Now, I am working on my personal relationship with God.

Disappointed in Dr. Drew

By now Dr. Drew Pinsky is considered to be very knowledgeable about drugs. There's no doubt that he cares about what he does. He tackles some severe cases of addiction and substance abuse.

I was curious to see how he'd handle Mindy McCready's seizure on this week's episode of Celebrity Rehab, this same seizure that was aired at least five times in the previews before it occurred on the show.

I was hoping that Dr. Drew would know something about benzodiazapines (aka "benzos"). The problem with stopping benzos is that a patient cannot detox from them safely without the risk of seizures. And because benzos change the actual chemistry and structure of the brain, the seizures and other symptoms must be managed with other drugs if a person goes cold turkey. Even Hoffman-La Roche, the manufacturer of both Valium and Klonopin recommends a taper schedule for getting off benzos. One must reduce the amount of the drug very slowly.